Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
