Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
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