part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
