I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
