There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she looked like the before picture.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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