Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
