if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize