I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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