My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
