don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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