i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
