as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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