You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
