She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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