Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
