Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
