Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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