I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
