My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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