Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
