I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
