i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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