no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
