You made me cry and you don't even care
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
