I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
