so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
