i don't like sucking hair
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i came on her dog
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
