When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
NoShamevember. You game?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize