So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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