i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
