we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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