Four minutes until I can fart!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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