Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
