I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
