I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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