Can i not drive my cunt home
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize