Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
