my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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