You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
