Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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