My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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