I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
