You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
