And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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