Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize