he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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