I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
BRING THE BAGELS
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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