Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
