ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
