Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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