so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
