By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
