Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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