I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize