I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
