they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
