Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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