atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
