I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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