I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
