Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
