Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
