Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
