I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
