Can i not drive my cunt home
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
