I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
