The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
