Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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