Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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