I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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