wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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