Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
