Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
